I was stopped abruptly in my tracks yesterday. For the last few days I have been my own worst enemy, once again. Since I started my walk with Christ, I have been chasing, chasing, chasing. I may say, that I’m chasing HIM, but in reality, I’m chasing what he can do for me. I’m trying to please him by trying to be something. My husband and I have for awhile been doing what “we want”, not really what God wants. My husband has the habit of coming and telling me what “he wants me to do” . “You need to plan this and that, and do this and that” and in order to keep the peace in the house I go and attempt. And, of course, these things never pan out. My husband and I came to another cross roads in our marriage, where we decided to stop doing that. I was so self consumed for the last few days and pissed at God for still being in “this place” with my husband, and why can’t he just honor and cherish me…..Until, I see where my great friend lost 3 of her loved ones in a horrific car crash. One was her husband of less than a year, and the other 2 were their spiritual parents. Huge forces for God. They founded a Hope center for kids, and have been a shining example of what a Godly marriage looks like.
I no longer thought of myself. Ever since, my mind and heart have been on Emily and the family’s involved.
Which also led me to a decision. I am no longer chasing anything. Everything, every goal, every vision has been laid down at HIS feet. I am however chasing only HIM. I will no longer seek the Lord as a genie in a bottle, but just seek HIM. Yes, I may tell myself that I don’t do that. But, I’m pretty sure I am. I have also made a decision to chase my husband. Lay down all unforgiveness that I have towards him and serve him, regardless of whether he serves me or not. True agape love.
I am in no way going to stop visioning and dreaming, because that is WHO I AM. And I know that is how God made me. I know that the Lord wants me to have all these things, but just not let them get the glory.
My heart aches for Emily and the Hrubes family and the family of Ty and Terri. But, I am no longer going to chase things, only HIM. I may eat the dessert first. I am going to cherish every moment, every breath, every cartwheel that Carli does, every swing that Carson does with his big bat in my living room, even though I tell him not too.
Embrace life people……it happens in a blink.